Cold

 I watched a bear get castrated today.  Sort of a non sequiter, but it's something you don't often see.  It was the Museum's new bear.  Sort of fascinating that the vet just had all the portable equipment and operated on him in the holding cage.

Didn't write yesterday.  I did finish carding the random fluff and did some spinning on the great wheel.  I had forgotten how fast and graceful that wheel is to use.  Did a little more spinning today while listening to some Reva Aslan (biblical scholar - another thing that Ebaida has introduced me to.

It was cold today - 29 when I woke up, but it got up into the 50's and was sunny so actually a pretty day. It was a work at the museum day, so I had to go out in in.

But I thought I'd talk about the cold.  I've always liked cold weather.  We don't get it very much or for very long here, so it's something to look forward to.  Bob and I loved it - we'd get out, take out the kayaks or go hiking, work in the yard, sit around the fire pit.  Light a fire in the fireplace and read books and drink cocoa.  I'd be bundled up, and he's strip off his shirt and beat his chest and shout "I feel alive!!"  I find the cold invigorating.

Except for the last two winters.  I'm finding the cold to be . . . cold.  I'm keeping the house warmer than ever (OK, so not that warm.  Bob and I had thermostat wars.  He thought the house felt fine at 60, I would sneak it up to 63.).  These days I'm wearing layers, and a hat, and I just feel cold.  I don't even want to go outside.  Almost every day I take a hot bath just to warm up.  It's been a little better this year than last year.  I think it's just part of being sad.  And not having a furnace walking around the house.  If I got chilly, I'd just go lean on him.  He was a radiator.  

What I really loved is that sometimes when I was getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth and hair, I'd come out of the bathroom and find him already in bed - on my side.  He'd move over and I'd hop in where it was toasty warm.  If I felt cool in the night, I'd just wiggle over a little closer to him.

Warm is more than just a temperature.  Warm is feeling safe, and loved.  Warm is snuggling.  I just can't seem to get warm anymore.  Hot in the summer, cold in the winter, but not ever warm.