RedBug

 Shit.
How's that for an opening.  When I last posted on RedBug, at the end of August, I said he had his surgery and was healing well.

Which he was.  Until Monday night (day before yesterday).  He was sitting on the couch, grooming his leg (the fur is starting to come back in) - and I saw blood dripping from his leg.  I was able to get it bandaged (he really is a good cooperative cat) and took him to the vet yesterday.

The sarcoma is back.  And this time it's broken through the skin, because there wasn't much left after the surgery.

I have three choices.  Just keep it bandaged which I opted to do yesterday; it will need to be changed every other day.  Dr. Farmer suggested amputation but I rebelled.
But now I've had a day to think about it.  I have three options.  a) keep an ever growing wound on his leg bandaged and hope it doesn't get infected - and this would be for the rest of his life;  b) have the leg amputated; c) have him put down (which I would have to do sooner than later if I go for option a.

I don't like any of these options.  I screamingly don't want to amputate - the thought of it makes me want to throw up.  And yet I did have to think about it.  I realized that if was necessary for some crisis situation - if he got in an accident, or mauled by another animal and the leg couldn't be saved, then I'd go for it.  I think it's having to make the decision in cold blood that's bothering me.

I'll make the appointment for the amputation tomorrow.    And I'll be crying a lot.

But a sweet thing happened today at the museum.  I was working on diets and one of the keepers asked if I was OK  - I thought she was referring to my cough left over from my cold, and I said it was just still the post nasal drip.  But she said "you just seem a little off and I thought something might be wrong.  So I told her and she hugged me.  It was just so touching to have someone notice, and care.