Day 1 of cocooning went as planned. I fed the cats and chickens, made tea, warmed up some coffee cake, poured a wee dram of Kraken black rum, and settled down on the couch with Harry Potter Book 4 (Goblet of Fire).
Later I took a nap. I appreciated that it was raining most of the day today. So I snacked, read, sipped, and napped.
I find that I don't even need to write memories of March 28, 2020. I appreciate 2022 self - who self-eviscerated to relive that time so I don't have to. ( https://returntotheswamp.blogspot.com/2022/03/im-not-ok.html ) It was this evening that he sat up and yelled that there was no reason to wait. He wanted to take control of his life back, if only to end it. I was selfish that night - we talked to the doctor and settled that the planned replacement of his picc lines and dialysis for the next day would be cancelled - but not to have him put under this night. I just couldn't do that on the spur of the moment. I wanted time to think. I wanted him to think, to understand that this was not just taking a break. That this was the ultimate forever decision. And, because I was his advocate, it would be my decision to make.
So tomorrow will be the hard day, the one that I dread. Odd, because he "officially" died on the 30th. But the 29th is the day I let him go.
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