Dithering

 I'm not responsible for this post.  I've been dithering, I had an extra glass of wine with a dinner that was too late, I'm getting up in a little over 5 hours, so I won't be proofreading this one.

So - the election happened.  I ain't happy.  But I'm steering clear of the doomsayers who are saying what might happen to this country.  I'll wait and see what actually happens.

Meanwhile - someone posted footage from a Ring camera on Halloween.  You know how some people - if they're not going to be home or don't want to pass out candy - just put out a bowl?  And, of course, the first few kids take it all?  So the camera shows these three little boys who run up to the house, see the empty candy bowl, confer for a moment, then they they all reached into their bags and put a handful of candy into the bowl before running off.

Things like that make me think that things are going to be all right.

Had an exciting moment a couple of days ago.  I was walking out in my yard, and almost stepped on this in my path.

I will confess to  a yelp and a quick step backward.  But then I looked - hard to see in this picture unless you zoom in close, but he had a distinctive striped chin.  Meaning that this is a banded watersnake (harmless) rather then a moccasin (not so harmless)

The main thing I'm dithering about is that my trip to Roswell starts tomorrow morning.  And like I have most of my adult life - I'm sort of hoping that something happens to stop it.  It's not that I don't like going places; it's that I  don't want to leave.  I found this quote from "The Last Unicorn"

    "I know how to live here.  I know how everything smells and tastes, and is.  What could I ever search for in the world except this again?"

And I'm sitting here in the couch, with RedBug asleep and purring beside me, and wondering how I can leave this, even for a few days.

But I do want to go.  I mean - stay in a missile silo?  Learn more about my father's career?  The big thing is again sharing with Mike.  I've gotten better at doing things alone, but sharing is so much fun.  And we have history in Roswell, even if we only lived there for a year.  He wants to hunt for Pecos Valley diamonds (a quartz crystal) because he remembers finding them when he was on boy scout camps.  We both want to see the amazing desert skies again.  We visited missile silos when we were kids and Dad was the commander.  We want to go to Carlsbad Caverns (I haven't been there in 50 years, and it's likely about that long for him).

So I really to want to make this trip.  It's just that I don't want to go, to leave my home, my cats, my chickens.  Everything I hold dear.

OK, really crashing now (not much sleep the past two nights because of panic attacks about the trip).  Alarm in 5 hours.  

I'll be home about this time, 4 days from now. I'll be happy that I went, and happier to be back.