Farewell to 2023

 And thus ends another year.

I've sent it out quietly.  After I did the butterfly garden I spent hours yesterday burning yard waste.  It was my plan to do more today (hit while the weather permits) but Ebaida coerced me into watching Phantom of the Opera together instead (we put the movie on at the same time and then FB chat during it).  Afterwards we had a video call.  So basically I never bothered to get out of my pajamas.  Have to admit, both my back and my psyche appreciated the break.

I've spent quite a bit of time reviewing the 90 blog entries I made this year.  If you ask me if I ever do anything, I would say not much.  But it adds up.

I can't help but think how strange Bob would find it here after being gone only 3 1/2 years.  Mostly things gone.  The old Honda. The butterfly garden, the old goat shed, the damaged release cage.  Rob and Jeff moved, Mischa gone.  So much from his room and the barn.  Half the cats, all of the peacocks, and all of the chickens that he knew.  No wonder things seem a little empty.

I look at my last year's intentions (which I do instead of resolutions).  It was "try to have fun."

I did try, but I think I was a bit too dogged and determined about it.  2020 and 2021 I huddled (Covid was first a reason, and then a reasonable excuse).  So I was going to get out there - and get out there I did.  Looking at those posts, there's a lot.

A couple of the weaver's guild meetings (which I stopped after the day I was supposed to meet with several wannabe spinners, none of whom showed up)

My "gal pal" trip to Universal Studios (in which I discovered that I don't think I'm a "gal pal" sort of person.  I never have been before, but I'm still figuring out who I am now)

My Roads Scholar trip - which I enjoyed, but realized that I'm also not a tour sort of person - it was too regimented and structured - like a field trip for old people.  The best part was before it officially started when Marty and I got to hang out on the greenway together.

My second Harry Potter trip, with my brother this time.  I am better at one-on-one than groups.  Especially with a fellow nerd.

I went to four circuses, one concert, the Comic Con, the haunted house.  I went to an SCA fighter practice and an art/craft gathering.  There were three museum parties, and Shelby's Rocky Horror Birthday party.  I took the dragon to entertain at Goodwood Plantation for Halloween.  I did a two-day spinning demo and wool waulking for the Highland games. Did an escape room with Jeff.  I got to play the part of an escaped panther.  I took a wood working class.

And I have to say that after awhile it felt a little dogged.  I wasn't so much enjoying myself as pushing to get out because I thought I should.  I finally hit a stopping point and skipped the Manheim Steamroller concert even though I had bought my ticket because I was just done.  I've actually been in a good mood since coming home from Harry Potter because I feel like I've been there, done that, and can just relax now.

There was other stuff too that sort of wore me down.  Our 50th wedding anniversary.  Hurricane Idalia, which veered off only at the last minute.  I was prepped and tried to convince myself not to worry and just deal with whatever happened, but it was nerve-wracking.  Losing my chickens (I'm down to just Rock, who is living on the back deck).  That eventually broke me, because I would think that I had the coop/scratch yard secure, and go a month or six weeks without incident, then have another attack just as I started to relax.  Especially after I got that beautiful rooster because I thought things were safe now, and then lost him.  And because I would push myself go "go out and have fun" and then come home to deal with the butchery (that happened three times)

So what are my 2024 intentions?  

I think I'm going to back off, and not try so hard. All this pushing myself didn't really result in anything except feeling tired.  I've looked back over the blog for those moments that I truly did enjoy.  It seems strange to try to figure that out - I mean, I'm 71 years old and should know by now.  But I laughed when Rob and Jeff were visiting, and Rob was doing some mansplaining to me about his mother.  He lost his father several years ago, and was telling me that his mother Rose was so invested in his father that she was just trying now to learn who Rose is.  Yeah, Rob - sort of know how that is.

So what do I like?  Being outdoors, working in the yard.  Working at the museum.  Sometimes getting the "safe thrill" (sort of like you get on a roller coaster) when an eagle thumps me or an owl grabs my ankle.  I've liked doing my Conquest walking challenge; there's something satisfying about entering my daily mileage.  I think I might do a Middle Earth one next (I'm curious what equivalent to Google Earth they would have).  I love sitting out on the back deck, sipping tea and reading.

Be open to the happy things.  Little flowers.  My turtle showing up for a snack.  Laughing at my "poltergeist".  Co-reading with Ebaida (we're starting Frankenstein).

I have said I will demo at the Highland games again this year - but limited to a waulking demo and some spindle spinning, for one day.  Not setting up a display table and being stuck there for both days.  This time I'll be able to watch the games and admire Men In Kilts.

Be better about making stuff.  I haven't done much this year, but that's when I feel most like me.  I did sew two poets shirts, one 18th century skirt (which I then got hopelessly stained), wove the fabric for the waulking demo, made the griffin puppet and the Mari Lwyd, and knit a lace shawl.  Not bad, but not much.

So that's my thought for 2024.  2020 was strictly reactive - so much stuff going wrong even after I lost Bob - and I was in shock.  2021 was the year that I lost - I simply don't remember it.  2023 was the year that I really pushed myself.

2024 I think I will try to relax.  Not be a recluse, but not push to do stuff because I think I "should."  Spend more time in my cottage.  Make stuff.  Work in the yard.  Read.  Just be.