I Am Roooooocky!

 Well, the Rocky puppet is about finished ("about" because I'll probably keep tweaking him).
I can't remember when I started making him - somewhere around the end of May.  Life kept happening and I'd *think* about working on him, but not much actually got done.  But eventually the momentum picked up.

I've loved working on him.  I did a deep dive into the movie - I'd listen to interviews and behind-the-scenes while I worked.  Rob had printed me a miniature Rocky that I used for a guide.  Could I really make something out of Amazon boxes that didn't look like it was, well, made out of Amazon boxes?  Something that looked like this bizarre alien? Can I learn to use (and clean) an airbrush?

It did get frustrating near the end when I was stringing him up. Marionettes are a pain.  You think you have it balanced, and then you tweak something and it throws everything else out of whack.  It's awkward trying to hold something up, and work on it.  My back staged a protest and I had to walk away.  The next morning I thought to put a couple of sawhorses on my workbench with a pole between them, and the controller bungeed to, so he could dangle at eye level while I worked.

I took him to Gill's yesterday so she could take some videos, and I have to admit - I pretty much nailed it.  I saw where tweaks had to happen (I removed the lower part of his front two legs and rehung them).  But we had a lot of fun.

Rocky knows that humans get excited over football.

And he observed how dogs behave.

The Infinity Con is this weekend, and Mike predicts that I will be mobbed.

And then it's over.  I'll hang him up somewhere.  

The distraction has been good for me.  I've been having fun, giving in to obsession.  But also still feeling that familiar tightness in the chest, that feeling of frustrated helplessness.  The end of June was when Bob got the tests that eventually let to his diagnosis.  Best to stay busy.

There's a blog that I follow (The Gusset) that I have for years, but there was a two-year hiatus after her husband was diagnosed with cancer.  Then she came back.  It's an artsy little blog, talking about tapestry and baskets, and gathering wild materials for projects.  She illustrates it with fun watercolors of her and her dog.  But this one stopped me in my tracks for a moment.  She was talking about the pleasure of eating asparagus on toast while standing at the counter, reading a book.

"I love living alone."  I even commented on that, and we had a short exchange.  As my comment read -how many widows would say that.  Of course, she would want her husband back, as I want Bob.  But that's not an option.  And one option - the one she is exploring, as am I - is to realize that you can enjoy living alone.  Living life on your own terms, learning who you are, without those daily little adjustments that come with another person under the roof.

It can be lonely sometimes, of course.  But if I'm honest - if I can't have Bob, I'd rather be alone with my cats and my chickens and my woods.  I don't want the distraction of another person hanging around.   But we both came to the conclusion that yes - weird as it is to admit it - we enjoy living alone.

I still wish I had the other option.