End of an Era

 I got engaged on August 3, 1972.  I wrote about it in a 2022 blog post: https://returntotheswamp.blogspot.com/2022/08/august-3-ring.html

That was the first day that I put on this ring.

Almost 54 years ago.  I was 19 years old.

Last night I looked down, and noticed the lack of a familiar sparkle: the diamond was gone.  Funny how the mind works; the first thing I did was look more closely, and even stick my pinky fingernail in to make sure that it wasn't there.

Yes, I looked for it.  I put on my head lamp and retraced all my steps outside that I had taken that afternoon.  There is a thick layer of leaves everyone; the diamond was.  The chances of finding it were pretty much nil (I did startle a lot of little spiders because I had to get a close look every time I saw their glittery little eyes).

I don't want to replace the diamond.  It would *a* diamond, but not *my* diamond -not the one that our teenage selves scraped for coin to buy it.  But I hate not wearing my ring (the wedding band had a raised notch to hold the engagement ring, and the two were soldered together after we got married, so I can't wear the wedding band separately).

What I want to do is have the ring melted down and recast into a plain band.  It would probably be less expensive to just buy a plain band and sell the ring for scrap - after all, it's just a piece of metal - but I can't.

I was in town today to get the stitches out of my mouth, so I went to a jewler's.  I was embarrassed when I got out of the car and looked at the ring in the sunlight; like my working hands and permanently stained fingernails - I realized it was dirty.  Dark in the little nooks and crannies.  I polished it as best I could with my shirt.

Yes the jewelry store could do it. $300 and 5-6 week wait (which says to me that it would be shipped off somewhere instead of being made in-house).  But to sound very new-agey - the vibe was off.  I showed them my heartache - and it may as well have been the pull tab off of a soda can.  I told them I had worn it for 54 years - it was acknowledged that the settings can get worn down.  I don't know what I was expecting, but I wanted something that acknowledged that this little piece of scrap metal was important.  

There was another jeweler's about 5 miles away that I thought about checking out, but I didn't want to once again hand over my dirty little broken ring.  I decided to come home and give it a good cleaning and polishing and check out a few more possibilities.

I didn't realize how many times a day I touched that ring, or fiddled with it, or just glanced at the little sparkle on my hand that said once upon a time someone deeply loved me.   A few times today I have either felt it missing, or looked down, and had a quick panic attack. 

Wish me luck.