Waiting

 Lovely start to the day.  When I woke up, one of my teeth felt odd - like maybe there was something jammed between teeth.  So I got up, grabbed some floss - and the crown popped off and went flying.  I heard it ping and bounce, so then had to get down and hunt for the thing because the cost difference between getting a crown glued back on and getting a new one made is several hundred dollars.  I was also being annoyed because I would have to get dressed and drive to the dentist.

I found it - and then noticed that the tooth was still inside.  Ugh.  Now will start the various visits to the periodontist for consultations and hopefully I'll be a candidate for an implant and in a few months and a few thousand dollars I'll have a new tooth.

I continue to be in an odd disconnected mood - not bad, just a little off.  I have been knitting a lot on the "Forest Walk" shawl, and really loving the color flow.

Usually I do my knitting in the evenings; during the day I'm doing more physical stuff - yardwork or maybe making something, especially since we've had some really pretty cool/cold but clear days.  But I seem to be content - and that is the feeling - to sit and knit.  Then I get up and have been doing cleaning - not my normal lick-and-promise and vacuum down the middle, but moving stuff to dust and cleaning under the furniture.  The plus side of doing this is that I don't think I have to buy any kitty toys for awhile.

But despite sitting quietly knitting, reading, or putzing around cleaning, I would also go outside just to walk around a little, a bit aimlessly.  I also found myself constantly checking my phone - to see if I had any calls, texts, or something on FaceBook.  I almost never get any of the above, but I was almost obsessively checking a dozen or twenty times a day.

Analysis:  My brain is in 2020 mode, and anxiously waiting.  By now his bloodwork should have starting showing up uptick in numbers if the bone marrow transplant had taken - and instead of getting sicker and sicker, he would level out.  But that hadn't happened, and all we could do was sit and wait - talk a little, nap, watch TV, and, in my case knit.  And wait to get a report on the numbers.

It helps to know what's happening.  I've curbed the excessive phone checking, and had two fires to burn yard trash and taken apart part of a fallen tree.  I went to the library book club meeting tonight.  Trying to stay in 2026.

It's hard not to think of the alpha and omega of our time together.  In two days, it will be the 54th anniversary of our meeting.  So it was at the end of January that we met, and over the next several weeks grew to realize that we would be joining our lives together.  Then, on the anniversary of those dates, 48 years later, we were beginning to realize that we would be separating forever.  Opening and closing.  Odd coincidence of dates.