Three Trees in the Driveway

 When you have as many trees as I do out here, from time to time one falls over.  Three times in the last 10 years or so, that's been across the driveway.

The first time I was heading out to do a demo at a historic site.  I loaded my spinning wheel, wool, water and snack into the car, put on my farm dress, and headed out.  A few minutes later I walked back into the house.  Bob asked me what I had forgotten.  "Uh - I forgot to move the tree out of the driveway."

So we both laughed, and I changed clothes while he went to get the chainsaw and loppers.  He sawed, I cut and dragged, and we got the driveway cleared and I could change and be on my way.

The second time was almost exactly 5 years ago.  7 weeks after Bob died, guilt overcame caution (paranoia?) and Rob and Jeff invited me to come over for lunch.  I was desperate to go.  I still look back and wonder how I survived those times - bereavement is when you most need to be able to have your people around you, but because of Covid I had been limited to phone calls and zoom.

So when I headed out - and there was a tree down in the driveway, I cried as a wave of helplessness washed over me.  That was replaced by anger.  Because, dammit, I *deserved* to be able to see someone, and no effing tree was going to stop me.  I wasn't comfortable with the big gas chainsaw, but the tree wasn't that big (maybe 4" diameter) and I had a saw and loppers.  I got it cleared in about 45 minutes and got to my lunch.   But that was also a wake-up call for me: I realized that from now on, if there was a problem, there would be no laughing and working on it together.  I was on my own.  Scary thought.

Yesterday.  I was going in to work, and the trunk of a dead oak tree was lying across the driveway.  Only a few branches to deal with, but this trunk was big (8"-9" in diameter), and heavy oak.   I sighed.  Possibly muttered "oh, crap."  Then I went to the barn and grabbed my chainsaw (a couple of years ago I gave away the big gas one and got a smaller lighter battery one).  20 minutes later I had it in chunks of a size that I could roll out of the way, and I went to work.

No tears, no anger.  Just saw something that needed doing, and I did it.