I've really been in the doldrums. I started replacing the waistbands on a couple of skirts a week or two ago - and still haven't finished (it's a bit of a nuisance). I've just got that feeling of being almost embarrassed - I've got a lot more free time, and a heckuva lot more space than anyone I know - and I don't seem to be doing anything.
There are times that I miss the mad desperate frenetic energy of when I first came home in 2020. I look back, and an amazed that less that a week after I lost Bob I was madly sewing Covid masks, making limoncello, and deep cleaning the house (because, of course, I thought that people would be coming to see me, which no one did, because Covid)
Partly it's because the weather has been freaky. We were being normal - meaning temperatures in the mid-80s, then a major storm came through and we dropped back to being cool, which is glorious but confusing. For almost a week my house has been colder than I keep it in the winter because damned if I'm turning the heat back on. Now it's being chilly enough to need a sweatshirt in the morning, and in the 80s by the middle of the day (which makes it tricky to dress for work)
But I realize I'm not alone. Everyone I know is feeling off, with the background of our government being dismantled and every stride forward from birth control to diversity equality to environmental protection that we've made in the last 100 years making a quick trip backwards. So we're all going to feel strange for quite some time.
I've bowed to the inevitable. I've hit that stage of life (and also have residual damage from the Great Snake Bite of 2008) that my ankles swell in hot weather. I've often worn compression socks at work in the summer, but I'm realizing that I'm also going to need to wear them even at home, especially if I'm out working. I figured that I would need a few more pairs and ordered a six pack - because if you have to wear the things, they might as well be cute.
I've been whacking down the underbrush - and my answer to my own question of "why didn't I get that stuff under control over the winter" is that I did - but come spring it's all growing like crazy. I also spent the better part of two days working on the azaleas in front of the house.
They've gotten a little out of control, to say the least. What I *should* have done was just go in and cut everything down to knee high - which would have looked like dead bare branches and been really ugly for a year or two and then look good. But I couldn't make myself do that, so I worked my way into them, cut back everything that was higher than the house, thinned it out, and cut away all the dead wood. The result of two days of hard work, and a pile of cut branches big enough for a bonfire dragged over to the fire pit - is that it doesn't really look different enough to show an after picture. But the dead tangle of old branches is gone, so hopefully some more light and air can get in there for new growth.
The fun thing is my family of little wrens. After I lost Bob, I couldn't bring myself to move his old gardening hat that he left hanging from the door of a storage cabinet on the front porch. And every year now, the Carolina wrens make a nest in it - which he would have loved. My problem is making myself keep away from it - it's conveniently hanging at eye level. But I had to check from time to time - and by the end of March there were tiny eggs.
Then came the really hard part - not even taking a peek for 15 days because Mama Wren was brooding and I didn't want to spook her off the nest. After the eggs hatch I allow myself one peek a day because the Wren isn't on the nest much - mostly making trips back and forth every few minutes to get food for the little guys. Come day 15 - and I have a nest of what looks like grubs.
Watching them grow is like watching stop-motion photography. It's incredible to think that they'll go from this to fledging and leaving the nest in two weeks.
Four days later they've gotten fuzzy.
Have I witnessed this before? Yes - almost every year for the last 30-some years (some nests I had to get on a stepladder to look - this one is convenient). Will I ever get over the feeling like I'm witnessing a miracle? Never.
The other miracle happened tonight - the fireflies are back! I was worried that the ice storm might have killed them off. The moon is very bright right now, but in a few days I'll brave the mosquitoes to go sit outside with them.
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