I haven't been able to get over this feeling of oppression lately, general depression.
What I do when I get like this is try to figure out exactly what is bothering me - drag it from the subconscious to the forebrain, where I can examine it and maybe do something about it.
First thing is the car. It's hard not to beat myself up about it, feel stupid for damaging it. Seriously - if you look at any parking lot, many of the cars will be overhanging the curb a little. They just normally don't tear the hell out of the car. If the curb had been a couple of inches lower - nothing would have happened. If it had been an inch or two higher, I would have just bumped it. But it was just wrong - so not only will that be a ding against my insurance, it's also going to cost me at least $1000 out of pocket for the deductible and the car rental.
As I've said before, I don't particularly like driving. Some people do, and I just don't get it. Like Jeff's last visit - he had driven here from Tennessee, and the day after we got together he was going to drive back to Tennessee, but after we visited for awhile he just wanted to get in his car and visit while we drove around. My friend Kim loves nothing better than to get in her car and drive cross country. Me? I drive because I'm at Point A and there's something I need (or somewhere I need to be) at Point B. I used to drive the 50 mile round trip to visit Dad four times a week (Bob would usually go with me once a week) but after he passed there was really no reason for me to drive myself anywhere (other than to work at the museum) because we went everywhere together.
And I particularly don't like the responsibility of driving a car that doesn't belong to me.
This is having repercussions. On Saturday I was invited to join in an outdoor SCA event, with dancing, archery, and a feast. But after socializing for 5-6 hours on Friday (and stressing a bit because I wasn't positive I was going to be able to get a car, reservation or no), I just wasn't up to dressing up and making the hour drive to get there.
The Tallahassee Symphony Orchestra is having a free outdoor concert next Saturday night - food trucks, some games, costumes encouraged. Then I think about driving an unfamiliar car, at night, in quite a bit of traffic. Sigh. (There's also the side issue is that sometimes I get damned tired of doing things alone. The Making Of New Friends is still not going well. And it's lonelier being out in a crowd - noticing that you seem to be the only person there by herself - than it is being at home with the cats).
Speaking of the cats, while I'm usually a very conscientious pet owner, three of my cats are overdue for their shots. I didn't schedule them because you're not supposed to smoke or have pets in a rental car. If I had known that my repair was going to be rescheduled two times I would have done it by now. As it is, I have to wait until my car is fixed (which might take a couple of weeks). It's not terribly important, as they are all inside cats, but I still want to get it done.
The car thing has also brought something else to a head. Why am I going to the expense and bother of renting a car when I actually still have Bob's truck? And I have to acknowledge that I dislike driving it - it's too big and feels awkward. I had kept it in case of emergency, to be able to take the kayak to the lake, and to haul trash. Well, I did the kayak thing once; I discovered that while I can get the boat in and out of the truck at home, at the boat dock, with the truck on a slant, it was an incredible struggle. Hauling trash? I'm not tall enough to be able to reach over the sides to pick up the trash bags. So I have to drop the tailgate, and if the bags have shifted at all I have to crawl up into the back of the truck. That leaves emergency, where I am now. Except that the truck has been driven only a few times in the last four-five years. It hasn't had the oil changed. I've remembered to put the trickle charger on it sometimes; a couple of weeks ago I checked to see if I could start it and had to jump-start it. I'm not sure I trust the tires after them having sat in one position so long (I do check the tire pressure from time to time). Long winded way of saying that I don't trust it. It's time to let it go. Like my old Honda, I'll probably donate it. That will cause enough tears. I don't think I have the emotional strength to sell it, to quibble with someone over Bob's truck. So that goes on the "things to do" list.
Let me see. RiverSong's skin condition is acting up again, so she's going to need a series of baths. She's actually pretty good about it, for a cat, but it's a bother for both of us.
One of the light switches in the cottage has shorted out - it's the one that controls the overhead light over my workbench, and also the back porch. Time to YouTube - I can probably do it myself; if not I'll have to find an electrician. I postponed that until I got the puppet finished. But she's being frustrating - the closer I get to being done, the more I find things that aren't quiet working. Poor thing looks like she's on an operating table.
Just to remind 2025 self of some recent "highlights." Half this country will vote for him (please God - make it less than half) because he's making great promises. He's going to lower prices, reduce taxes, raise wages, and put a 20% tariff on imported goods (which somehow he thinks will lower prices instead of raising them). Anyone who took economics in high school will know that this is simply impossible. But people believe him.
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