Dithering

 I've been dithering today.  Just sort of fluttering around, knowing that I had to get stuff done but somehow not doing it.

I didn't have that much to do.  I just felt that I did.  The Highland games are this weekend, and I'm giving a demo tomorrow.  That was sort of my compromise between not going at all, and going to do a spinning demo for the full two days like I did last year.  Details are in last year's February blog.  Basically, I was fed a line of goods by the volunteer coordinator, who had asked me to participate in a "heritage crafts" tent, with other spinners, knitters, weavers, whatever.  I found out a few days before the event that it was really just going to be her, her daughter, and myself - and then she and her daughter bailed.  So I was scurrying around the last few days beforehand, because suddenly I needed display materials, display stands, and a plan to be solo for two days.  Which meant that I didn't get to go see anything.

So this year I was just going to go as an observer, but I'm the original Girl Who Can't Say No, so I'm doing a waulking demonstration.  It will be fun - you get a group of people to bash around a length of woven cloth while singing slightly off-color songs.

I think the dithering is because there's not much to do, as compared to last year.  I need the piece of woven cloth (which I had because the games got rained out one day last year) and - well - that's about it.  I've had it soaking because it needs to be wet, I have a towel to dry off the table afterwards, and I've been practicing the songs.  It just seems that I should be doing more.

So finally this afternoon I stopped dithering, got out The Beast (my name for the brush cutter) and tackled more undergrowth.  Even with The Beast  it's slow going, because after you cut a swath you have to rake it clear before you go in for the next sweep through.

I worked on another section of the barn this week.  This is the back of the shelving unit that was in the last post.  The before and after shots:

And that entailed another trip to the dump today.  The nice thing is that now that I can actually get to that wall without all the stuff on the floor in the way, I can put The Beast and my weed whacker on those hooks instead of storing them on the floor.

I realize that I am slowly laying claim to the barn.  I never went in there much before; the chicken feed was kept just inside the door, and sometimes I used the chop saw.  I got my own set of tools for the cottage so I didn't have to go searching in there (sometimes I would see something I needed, but couldn't figure out how to get to it).  Mostly I would just look around, shudder a bit, and roll my eyes when Bob said he just wished he had more space.   I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but at least I'll be able to walk around.

Clearing the barn and the underbrush just feels good right now.  I'm facing the anniversaries of the slow realization that Bob's first transplant failed.  I was so helpless to do anything then.  So doing this now gives me some sort of feeling of control. (It also really tires me out so I can get some sleep)