Struggling

 This is just a note to February 2024 Self.  I'm struggling.  It's all right if you're still struggling.

The Highland Games were a good distraction - I had a lot to do (all that weaving) to get ready for them, and then the event itself.  The problem is that when I get engaged with something, and then it's over, there's the after-event letdown.

I got frustrated today.  A couple of weeks ago, I did a dumb.  It was when I was in Chez Wicca painting my crow lamp.  It was quite cold that day and I had a space heater on.  I wanted to quickly dry the paint, so I used a hairdryer - plugged into the same outlet as the heater.  The circuit breaker blew.  When I unplugged the hair dryer and flipped the breaker - still no power from the outlet.

In my former life, I would have admitted my dumb to Bob, and he would have fixed it.  (This is my thought every time I hear that I Still Have Bob In My Heart.  Yes, I do, but he doesn't fix things anymore).  So today I hunkered down, took out the old outlet, and installed the new one.  Feeling like Ms. Competent.  Except that it still didn't work.  Bugger.   A friend has given me some tips that I'll try tomorrow; failing that, I'll have to get an electrician in.

So I didn't even tackle the second project.  The overhead light in the front bathroom has eaten a couple of lightbulbs recently.  Saturday morning when I was getting up early for the games I flipped the switch and the whole fixture blew.  That was going to be my second project for today but I never deal with electricity when I'm frustrated.  I'll see tomorrow if I can get that removed so I can go to Lowe's to get a replacement.

This sort of thing didn't used to be my job.  The repairs just sort of happened.

And much as I try not to wallow - it's hard not to think of what was going on this time of year, three years ago now.  Feb. 17 was when Bob had the biopsy that showed that his bone marrow transplant had failed completely.  Things went steadily downhill from there.  I think it will forever break my heart that he had to go through all that.

So I'm going to fix dinner, have a glass of wine, and tomorrow I'll pull myself up and try again.  Struggle through.