Condensed Milk and Grilled Cheese

 Ebaida and I are reading "Good Omens" together - she for the first time, mine for the upteenth ever since one of the English professors gave me his reviewer's copy when it first came out in 1990.

One of the main characters is Witchfinder Sergeant Shadwell, a decrepit old man who seems to be addicted to drinking sweet condensed milk straight out of the can.  Every time he was doing that, I could almost feel/taste that rich viscous sweetness on my tongue.

I love sweetened condensed milk.  When I was a kid, my Mom would let us have a small bowlful of it, sometimes mixed with lemon juice to cut the sweetness a bit.  It's good in coffee.  It's superlative mixed with Guiness Stout to make Jamaican punch.  Whenever I've made a lemon meringue pie, I use a rubber spatula to wipe out the can - and then lick it.  I have sometimes eaten a teaspoonful straight out of the can.

But I have never just punched a hole with a can opener and drunk it straight out of the can.

So I did.

It's thick enough that you sort of have to suck it out.  I got my first glorious full mouthful and my teeth started to curl.  I happily sat there, sucking and reading.  After a bit I started to sweat.  Then to shake.  I made it through not quite a half a can, or about 600 calories of sugar.

I am now gulping strong black coffee, grabbing onto that bitterness like a drowning man gulps for air.  I'm not sure adding caffeine to the mix is the wisest idea but what the hell.  In for a penny . . . .

I will never do it again.  But it was glorious.

It reminded me of a time when Bob and I did something similarly indulgent - something heard about but never tried.  Then one day we drove down to the gas station/diner for a late lunch.  It was off hours, and we were the only customers, so we asked for a special order:  Two grilled cheese sandwiches and a hamburger - but use the grilled cheese sandwiches as the bun.  So, top to bottom (or vice verse) - grilled cheese sandwich, hamburger with fixins', grilled cheese sandwich.

Buttery crispy toasted white bread, ooey gooey melted American cheese - best hamburger bun ever.  I can't remember the rest of the day; maybe we went home and slept it off.  We never did that again - but from time to time, years afterwards, we talked about how good that was (the rest of the day, maybe not so much)

Every now and then you just have to do it.  There are the big challenges in life - moving to a strange town where you don't know anyone or have any job prospects is one (BTDT).  I've gone scuba diving, skydiving,  rock climbing.  I've walked into an aviary with a pissed-off bald eagle who didn't want me in there.

And sometimes it's punching a hole in a can of condensed milk and taking that first gulp.