Major Deaths

In a moment of self-pity I  was texting a friend yesterday the "timeline of my mourning"

And I just realized that I need a better term than "major deaths" because that would automatically make any other "minor deaths" and that's not how I view anyone's life.

But until a better term comes along . . .

A "major" death is that of someone close to you.  Your lives are involved with each other.  Losing them is like losing a limb.  It's usually a family member or a close friend.  And you never really stop missing them.

So--the self pity?  Or maybe just the feeling of eternal mourning?

January 1, 2005.  Jed O'Connor.  We had been close friends for over 20 years.  Sudden heart attack
April 24, 2008.  Bob's mother.  Long term illness; amyloidosis. Was sick for four years
December 9, 2009.  Bob's father, COPD.  Ill for about a year
December 8, 2012.  My mother.  Had had issues for several years; final decline took 6 months
December 17, 2015.  My father.  Just gave up after my mother died.  Broke his ribs a few months
                                  later and just stayed in bed for the next 2.5 years.
March 30, 2020.    Bob died after 8 months of treatment.


The math major in me kicks in (both my brother and myself tend to quantify things)

January 1, 2005 to March 30, 2020 is what?  15 years and 3 months, aka 183 months.  Of that time, there were 3 years and 7 months (aka 43 months, after my father died and before Bob's diagnosis) that we weren't visiting ill parents and spending time in hospitals, nursing homes, and clinics.  That's 76% of that time, or 11 years, 8 months of dealing with illness and death of  six people close to me.

I am very grateful for 3 years and 7 months I had with Bob after we thought it was all over and we could relax for awhile.  I'm very very happy that we retired early so basically had a vacation for that time.

But maybe the statistics show why I just feel so broken.  But also why I realize that I am actually quite a strong person.  As I promised Bob--for his sake, if not for my own, I *will* build a new life, and I will try to make it a very good one.