Dinosaurs!

 I just realized that I didn't write about the dinosaurs.  That was on Sept. 6.

Anyway, there are often special events at the Civic Center, and on Sept. 6 they had the Jurassic Quest, a travelling dinosaur exhibit.  https://www.jurassicquest.com/

Rob and Amanda decided to bring Zeke up for it.  They try to give Zeke as many experiences as possible (like doing Tree to Tree).  They sometimes feel that Zeke got the short end of the stick.  When Dane was 7 they moved to Belgium, and eventually drove over the Alps to go live in Naples, Italy for a few years.  He's ice skated in Paris, played in the snow in Norway, and got his scuba diving certificate diving among Roman ruins.

Zeke has gotten Panama City, Florida.  With first a Cat 5 Hurricane when he was about 5 which disrupted everybody's lives, and then the Covid lockdown.

Anyway - adventures where you find them.  And it was fun.  The lighting in the Civic Center was dim, with red and green lights, the dino animatronics were huge and roaring, and it was just pretty darned impressive.

And there were games for Zeke to play and stuff to crawl on, and we all went out for hamburgers afterwards.

And, for the most part, I handled it well.  I do OK when I know where the triggers are.  Bob and I used to go to the Civic Center events together, and as he was well in touch with his inner 8-year-old, he would have loved this one.  And been impressed by the really good paint job on the dinosaurs.  And had fun watching Zeke run around.  I was ready for all those thoughts.

But there was one moment.  We were standing at the rope around a stage area, waiting for the dino show (a guy wearing a dinosaur puppet/suit).  Rob was standing behind Amanda and Zeke.  He casually put his hand on Amanda's shoulder.   And for a moment I almost lost it.  Just a offhand, affectionate touch, but something that I had for 48 years, but haven't had at all for the last two and a half.  Bob would have been standing behind me, and just for a moment I could feel him - feel the way I would lean back against him, that warm and solid "Wall o' Bobby."

I just never know when it's going to hit, what will trigger.  I'm good at hiding it.  And there's that outer me that was genuinely enjoying all the exhibits and the fun day (and mostly-vegetarian me really glommed onto that hamburger).

I Didn't Do It First Thing

 At 6:15 this evening, I washed the car.

I had my shift at the museum this morning and then, as usual, came home, had lunch, and took a nap.  I never used to be much of a nap taker, but I have to admit that the museum work in this heat gets me knackered.

I hadn't washed the car in a couple of months because it was raining every single blessed day so why bother.  But it hasn't rained for about a week and the car was looking a bit grungy.

It wasn't the fact that I washed it that's noteworthy.  It was the time.

For 48 years we did stuff on Bob time, which, more precisely, was Bob's Mother's Time.  She had this thing about if something had to be done, it had to be done First Thing In The Morning.  At at absolute crunch, it could be finished up Right After Lunch.

But you never started anything in the afternoon.  That would be "too late."

And that got ingrained into Bob, and therefore into me.  Although from time to time I would question it.  I remember one afternoon, when we were talking about some sort of house project we would be doing the next day, and he said that we should roll out of bed and get going in the morning, rather than dawdling over breakfast, because we had to get to Lowe's for supplies and then get to work.

We  were having this discussion about 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  I made the obvious suggestion:  "Why don't we go to Lowe's now and get the supplies?"

The answer:  "It's too late today."  I countered with the fact that while it does take a little over a half hour to get to Lowe's, they were going to be open another 6 hours so we had plenty of time.  But no - we would go First Thing In The Morning.

Coupled with First Thing In The Morning was While You Were At It.  In the case of washing the car, well, as long as you were washing one car you might as well bring the truck around and wash that, and maybe spray on the tire dressing, and where was that stuff you use to polish the headlights, and get the extension cord and the shop vac so you could vacuum the inside and and and . . . .    and then you didn't have time to do all that so the cars would stay dirty until you did have time First Thing In The Morning.  Which might be a few more weeks.

But I'm not on that time frame now - and gradually I've been breaking the habit.  If I decide the car looks dirty at 6:00 p.m., I can grab the hose and bucket and car wash and 20 minutes later I have a clean car and I'm putting the stuff away.  I've started trash fires at 3:00 in the afternoon.  I can decide to do yard work at 5:00 or clean the bathroom at 9:00 p.m.  It really doesn't matter.

And sometimes I wonder.  What idiosyncrasies do I have that amused him?  Or annoyed him?  Or that he just got used to and didn't even notice anymore?  If the situation was reversed, how much would he be missing them? 

Long Live the King

 It happened.  Queen Elizabeth passed away.  Prince Charles is now King Charles.

And I feel a little lost.  She was crowned 10 months before I was born.  In a world where everything changes, she was a constant.  No matter what happened, Elizabeth was the Queen.

And now the earth has shifted a little.

Even when I (all of us) were expecting it, when the news broke it felt like a physical blow to the chest.  I somehow didn't think it would actually happen.

I miss Bob.

How's that for a segue?  Bob's gone.  He has been for 2 1/2 years.  And yet, I still carry him with me.  I can hear his voice.  I can feel him standing behind me.  I have my memories.  But the kicker is that we stopped making new memories.  Stopped sharing things.

In Bob's world, Queen Elizabeth is still alive.  So is Alex Trebek.  And the cats Wilhelm, Nazgul, Apache, and Tula.  He doesn't know how bad or how strange Covid got (how could a virus become political).  He doesn't know about George Floyd, or the Black Lives Matter movement.  He doesn't know about the January 6 insurrection. Or that a ship got stuck in the Suez canal, Russia invaded Ukraine, or that climate change seems to have hit a tipping point

He doesn't know that the bedroom ceiling fell in, or that I had to get the AC and the front deck replaced.  Or that the old shed collapsed and I had it torn down and hauled off.  That Rob and Jeff moved to Tennessee. He doesn't know that I bought a battery lawnmower and put it together myself.

For 48 years we shared everything.  For the last 2 1/2 we have shared nothing.  And sometimes it hits home.  

I'll miss the Queen.  I am so glad that my final memory of her was that of her and Paddington Bear having tea.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UfiCa244XE

Up in the Trees Again

 Looking at the blog and realize I did not post my adventures of August 6.

Last April Rob and Amanda and Zeke came to visit, and we went to the museum.  Zeke was very excited - he felt he was too old now for the kid's version of the Tree to Tree Adventure (zip lines and ropes course) and was ready to go on the grownup course.  We tried gently to clue him in that we didn't think he was quite tall enough (you have to be 54" tall).  He was sure that if he stood on his toes just a little, and maybe fluffed up his hair, he would be there.  None of us wanted to be the heavy, so I took him over to the Tree to Tree kiosk and asked their opinion.  Nope.  54" is aabsolutely  the bare minimum, and he was about an inch short if he stood flat footed and unfluffed the hair.

Disappointment and tears ensued.

So he's been doing his best to grow.  And sometime in the first week of August, he asked Rob to measure him, and, sure enough, he was 54.5" high.  "Hooray!  I'm tall enough!  We can go this weekend!!"

Yeah, sure.  In August.  Hot, humid.  Temps in the 90's.  Heat index in the low 100's.  What fun.

And why should that matter to me?  Well, 54" is actually not quite tall enough to be able to reach up to clip onto the lines successfully - you need a taller companion.  Amanda is a wuss and will not go up.  Rob is a wuss and will not go up, but at least he had the excuse of his knee being trashed (he was having surgery in a week).  That left good ol' Aunt Ann.

Did I mention it's August?  And Amanda decided to sleep in that day (she works nights) so it was noon.  In August.

But I owe Zeke.  Every time they come to visit, he insists that they stop by the store to bring me a box of Twinkies.  I'm in his debt.

Quick flashback here.  8 years ago his older brother Dane wanted to do the Tree to Tree - and good ol' Aunt Ann was the one to go with him.  In August.  Damned near killed me.

Eight years later, I'm at it again.  I am so grateful that they don't have a third child.

(as an aside, I don't mind looking older and grayer in the second picture - after all, it's 8 years later.  But I find it annoying that I look chonkier, despite the fact that I actually weigh about 15 pounds less.  But, thanks to a gently collapsing spine, I'm about 2 inches shorter.  I'm slowly turning into a short round hobbit)

But bonding is bonding.  And I loved it when we were up in the treetops and he looked at me with his big brown eyes and said "Aunt Ann - this is the bravest thing I've ever done in my life."

There are two parts to the Tree to Tree.  The 54" height will let you go on the first part.  I was grateful for this fact; the second part is more challenging.  Did I mention the 100 degree heat index?  So I was grateful when we finished it and were down on the ground.  Except then our guide said "well, if you like you can do the first half of the second part."  My heart sank.  Zeke was ecstatic.  So we climbed up the ladder for the second part.

The weather gods were with me.  We were on the second station when the guide apologized - but the afternoon storms were coming in, lightening was on the radar, and they had to close down.  I shed no tears.  Zeke *said* he was disappointed, but I think in his heart of hearts he was also a little relieved.

But I've promised him that we can go again, and do both courses.  Maybe in November.  I am bloody through doing that in August.